Numb

I woke up early today, or perhaps I didn’t sleep the whole night. Aunt Sarah and Noel left after the dinner, because Noel wanted to play in snow, though it wasn’t even enough to make a snowball. Today in the early morning, when I was just changing my clothes, the doorbell rang many times, and there she was – Noel jumping in her blue jacket, hopping with her boots tapping on the ground. As soon as I opened the door, she handed me a bag and before I could say anything, she left dancing with her little feet. She has become really fast, unlike other children of her age.

I went inside and picked out the lunch box from the bag. I don’t feel hungry at all in the recess, yet Aunt Sarah makes sure that I never go without a lunch. Though how many times I told her not to worry about me so much, she just cuts the conversation by saying, “It’s such a little thing, Avin. You think too much.” I don’t know if she realizes this or not, but these little things she does for me mean so much to me. As I left the home this morning, I found her standing at the door. She waved at me, still wearing her apron. Even though I wanted to thank her for everything, a thank you was just too little. I just waved back at her, and she smiled.

I hit a pebble on the road as I walk to the school. It’s not that I wish to go there. I don’t like to be at places where people can look at you and know about you. But I have to go to school for in future I’d have to show a piece of paper to make a living, and for a reason I do not wish to talk about.

As I look at the trees on my sides, sprinkled by the snow on the top, I think about the girl I met last night. Maybe there won’t be a time when we meet again, but when she said at last that we will, I had never wanted to believe someone as much. But this warm feeling, as I walk with the snow falling around me, will do nothing but warm me for a fleeting moment and then burn me whole. It’s better and so much easier to assume it just as a dream that never came true.

Just in time, I sigh as I reach the school. The gatekeeper looks at me sceptically and I have learned to ignore him and his questions. I look down at the ground and the steps that I take. Nobody is around, and the tap of my shoes echoes as I climb the stairs to my classroom. I open the door, and find my seat. Right at the end of the class. There’s a window from where I see the other students coming in. I’m as far and as high as I want to be. But very soon, everyone would be around me. I just wish that I hold myself for a little longer, until I am away from everyone. I open the window and a cool wind creeps in making my cold fingers numb. It’s a wonder to me how we can not feel things after they go numb, the pain never bothers you anymore. You don’t need to worry about that wound anymore that would sting you every time someone tried to scratch it. You just feel free from the pain. I just wish if there was a way to turn hearts numb.

Just then someone comes in, breathing heavily and loud. I keep staring out of the window, I want to be as unnoticeable as I can be.

“Damn it! I thought…this time…I’d beat you!” Dennis says as he collapses in the nearest desk. “Were you here since last night?”

***

Read the previous parts here:

Colourless Rainbow

Faded Moon

Winter Tree

Dance in the Snowfall

Falling Angel

Stare

Walk under the Stars

Moon’s Wish

Strangers

Staircase

Doorbell

Dinner

A Hand